It’s raining outside. Pouring, actually. I’m snuggled comfortably under my down quilt, watching the tempest shake the forest and drench the moss covered ground. Every inch of outside is green again. Winter has slowly thawed, leaving behind a brilliant display of vitality in its wake. The only sound now is the peaceful tune of the pouring rain and the soft melody of Clair de Lune. Both sets of music harmonize together perfectly, creating springs own symphony. Last night a familiar sound drew me to open the front door and step outside barefoot to explore. It was not a beautiful night, as beauty goes. It was dark, no moon or stars could penetrate the thick cloud coverage that promised today’s torrent. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering from the chilly March night on my fevered skin, and closed my eyes. I inhaled slowly, enjoying the fresh scent of a new season. The sound split the quiet again and I smiled. An echoing croak answered the first, and I couldn’t help but be happy in that moment. This morning, as dawn broke the horizon, the early birds sang cheerfully, welcoming the façade of sunshine and warmth. Birds and frogs. Grey above and green below. Storms and sunshine all wrapped up in one day.
Ahh… I thought. This can only mean one thing: spring has arrived in the Northwest. Although our winter was harsh with biting cold and record snowfalls, melting away to leave the forest barren for what seemed like many months—the first signs of spring still fought its way through the desolation to bring hope of rebirth once again to its appreciative audience. This phenomenon made me step back and examine what life has brought me recently. My own winter was full of unwanted surprises and doubts. I was full of grief and disheartened by any chance of starting over. But spring has arrived, bringing with it everything new and yet familiar. That familiar sense of beauty and growth. The seasons change with a quiet consistency often overlooked by mere mortals, too busy with our own accords to stop and realize the change around us. However, I am pausing now. I know that, when I am not looking, my winter will fade and bring with it a renewal of hope and a new beginning I had no idea I had been seeking. Life will be reborn, and I can begin anew.
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Friday, March 20, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Peace Corps' Verdict
Hi Everyone,
I apologize for the lack of blogs recently. My life has been shaken in ways I was unprepared for, leaving me less then willing to share my adventures. This has been an unwanted adventure. Not all journeys are fulfillment of dreams. I’ve often asked myself lately…”What happens when your dreams DON’T become a reality? What happens when all that you’ve worked for is shattered, when all hope is dashed?”
Most of you know that last November I contracted my bizarre ear infection again and Peace Corps Philippines sent me back to America in hopes that I would heal. I thought at the time this was a good idea and that I would get the change to return to the islands as soon as I was healthy again. While I still hold firm to my belief that going back to the US was a good idea and the only way I could heal properly, I am disappointed with the knowledge that I was under a misconception about returning to the Philippines.
I have tried, I have fought, I have pleaded with Peace Corps Washington DC to send me back. Their belief is that no matter the precautions I take, I will not be able to successfully function in a tropical environment. They will not even consider sending me back. Although it has been only a week since I was told of their final decision, part of me realized that it wasn’t meant to be. I had been mentally preparing myself for their decision for weeks. And I do realize that they are right. I would get sick again. And I still remember how painful that was. Regardless of what I want, I know that it would be unhealthy for me to return to the Philippines and to the people I hold dear.
I don’t know what the plan is. God hasn’t revealed to me yet why this long awaited and long desired door was slammed shut on me. I see no open window, yet. But I have faith that all will be revealed to me in time. And I do not question why I was sent to the Philippines in the first place. The answer is so obvious. I would gladly relive each experience again, if it meant meeting the same people.
I have had many friendships in life—born from common interests and common thoughts…and timing. But I have never had friendship sprung from such pure devotion for humanity. Although we each joined PC for different reasons, it is safe to say that we genuinely care about others. I don’t know if I can adequately express how much I care about my PC family. Because that is what we are, a family. We were thrown together out of circumstance, became friends out of necessity, but we became a family out of love. I hold each of you in my heart. You all mean the world to me. I am sorry that it will be years before we see each other again, my friends. But I am always thinking of you. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope that the next 20 months are filled with adventure and hope.
And when times are hard, as they often are, remember what Garrett said at swearing-in. He reminded us that Sally would trade places with you in a heartbeat…and now so would I. Remember what you are doing matters, even when it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. Try to be happy, because each day you spend there is a gift…trust me. And please keep in touch. I want to hear everything that you are doing & how you are feeling. I’m always around for you, as I was there and as I will be here. I shall keep you up-to-date about my next adventure…trying to find a place in the world post-PC. It’s not as simple as we thought. :-)
Be happy & stay healthy.
All my love,
Jess
P.S.--I don't know about going to another country right now. PC is looking into it, but I'm also looking for jobs in Seattle and the Olympic Peninsula. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start over again just yet. I think I'd prefer to stay US bound for now. Find a job. Normalcy isn't as frightening as it once was. ;-) I'll let you know what I decide.
I apologize for the lack of blogs recently. My life has been shaken in ways I was unprepared for, leaving me less then willing to share my adventures. This has been an unwanted adventure. Not all journeys are fulfillment of dreams. I’ve often asked myself lately…”What happens when your dreams DON’T become a reality? What happens when all that you’ve worked for is shattered, when all hope is dashed?”
Most of you know that last November I contracted my bizarre ear infection again and Peace Corps Philippines sent me back to America in hopes that I would heal. I thought at the time this was a good idea and that I would get the change to return to the islands as soon as I was healthy again. While I still hold firm to my belief that going back to the US was a good idea and the only way I could heal properly, I am disappointed with the knowledge that I was under a misconception about returning to the Philippines.
I have tried, I have fought, I have pleaded with Peace Corps Washington DC to send me back. Their belief is that no matter the precautions I take, I will not be able to successfully function in a tropical environment. They will not even consider sending me back. Although it has been only a week since I was told of their final decision, part of me realized that it wasn’t meant to be. I had been mentally preparing myself for their decision for weeks. And I do realize that they are right. I would get sick again. And I still remember how painful that was. Regardless of what I want, I know that it would be unhealthy for me to return to the Philippines and to the people I hold dear.
I don’t know what the plan is. God hasn’t revealed to me yet why this long awaited and long desired door was slammed shut on me. I see no open window, yet. But I have faith that all will be revealed to me in time. And I do not question why I was sent to the Philippines in the first place. The answer is so obvious. I would gladly relive each experience again, if it meant meeting the same people.
I have had many friendships in life—born from common interests and common thoughts…and timing. But I have never had friendship sprung from such pure devotion for humanity. Although we each joined PC for different reasons, it is safe to say that we genuinely care about others. I don’t know if I can adequately express how much I care about my PC family. Because that is what we are, a family. We were thrown together out of circumstance, became friends out of necessity, but we became a family out of love. I hold each of you in my heart. You all mean the world to me. I am sorry that it will be years before we see each other again, my friends. But I am always thinking of you. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope that the next 20 months are filled with adventure and hope.
And when times are hard, as they often are, remember what Garrett said at swearing-in. He reminded us that Sally would trade places with you in a heartbeat…and now so would I. Remember what you are doing matters, even when it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. Try to be happy, because each day you spend there is a gift…trust me. And please keep in touch. I want to hear everything that you are doing & how you are feeling. I’m always around for you, as I was there and as I will be here. I shall keep you up-to-date about my next adventure…trying to find a place in the world post-PC. It’s not as simple as we thought. :-)
Be happy & stay healthy.
All my love,
Jess
P.S.--I don't know about going to another country right now. PC is looking into it, but I'm also looking for jobs in Seattle and the Olympic Peninsula. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start over again just yet. I think I'd prefer to stay US bound for now. Find a job. Normalcy isn't as frightening as it once was. ;-) I'll let you know what I decide.
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