Peace Corps' Verdict

Hi Everyone,

I apologize for the lack of blogs recently. My life has been shaken in ways I was unprepared for, leaving me less then willing to share my adventures. This has been an unwanted adventure. Not all journeys are fulfillment of dreams. I’ve often asked myself lately…”What happens when your dreams DON’T become a reality? What happens when all that you’ve worked for is shattered, when all hope is dashed?”

Most of you know that last November I contracted my bizarre ear infection again and Peace Corps Philippines sent me back to America in hopes that I would heal. I thought at the time this was a good idea and that I would get the change to return to the islands as soon as I was healthy again. While I still hold firm to my belief that going back to the US was a good idea and the only way I could heal properly, I am disappointed with the knowledge that I was under a misconception about returning to the Philippines.

I have tried, I have fought, I have pleaded with Peace Corps Washington DC to send me back. Their belief is that no matter the precautions I take, I will not be able to successfully function in a tropical environment. They will not even consider sending me back. Although it has been only a week since I was told of their final decision, part of me realized that it wasn’t meant to be. I had been mentally preparing myself for their decision for weeks. And I do realize that they are right. I would get sick again. And I still remember how painful that was. Regardless of what I want, I know that it would be unhealthy for me to return to the Philippines and to the people I hold dear.

I don’t know what the plan is. God hasn’t revealed to me yet why this long awaited and long desired door was slammed shut on me. I see no open window, yet. But I have faith that all will be revealed to me in time. And I do not question why I was sent to the Philippines in the first place. The answer is so obvious. I would gladly relive each experience again, if it meant meeting the same people.

I have had many friendships in life—born from common interests and common thoughts…and timing. But I have never had friendship sprung from such pure devotion for humanity. Although we each joined PC for different reasons, it is safe to say that we genuinely care about others. I don’t know if I can adequately express how much I care about my PC family. Because that is what we are, a family. We were thrown together out of circumstance, became friends out of necessity, but we became a family out of love. I hold each of you in my heart. You all mean the world to me. I am sorry that it will be years before we see each other again, my friends. But I am always thinking of you. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope that the next 20 months are filled with adventure and hope.

And when times are hard, as they often are, remember what Garrett said at swearing-in. He reminded us that Sally would trade places with you in a heartbeat…and now so would I. Remember what you are doing matters, even when it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. Try to be happy, because each day you spend there is a gift…trust me. And please keep in touch. I want to hear everything that you are doing & how you are feeling. I’m always around for you, as I was there and as I will be here. I shall keep you up-to-date about my next adventure…trying to find a place in the world post-PC. It’s not as simple as we thought. :-)
Be happy & stay healthy.

All my love,
Jess


P.S.--I don't know about going to another country right now. PC is looking into it, but I'm also looking for jobs in Seattle and the Olympic Peninsula. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start over again just yet. I think I'd prefer to stay US bound for now. Find a job. Normalcy isn't as frightening as it once was. ;-) I'll let you know what I decide.