Starting Over

It’s raining outside. Pouring, actually. I’m snuggled comfortably under my down quilt, watching the tempest shake the forest and drench the moss covered ground. Every inch of outside is green again. Winter has slowly thawed, leaving behind a brilliant display of vitality in its wake. The only sound now is the peaceful tune of the pouring rain and the soft melody of Clair de Lune. Both sets of music harmonize together perfectly, creating springs own symphony. Last night a familiar sound drew me to open the front door and step outside barefoot to explore. It was not a beautiful night, as beauty goes. It was dark, no moon or stars could penetrate the thick cloud coverage that promised today’s torrent. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering from the chilly March night on my fevered skin, and closed my eyes. I inhaled slowly, enjoying the fresh scent of a new season. The sound split the quiet again and I smiled. An echoing croak answered the first, and I couldn’t help but be happy in that moment. This morning, as dawn broke the horizon, the early birds sang cheerfully, welcoming the façade of sunshine and warmth. Birds and frogs. Grey above and green below. Storms and sunshine all wrapped up in one day.
Ahh… I thought. This can only mean one thing: spring has arrived in the Northwest. Although our winter was harsh with biting cold and record snowfalls, melting away to leave the forest barren for what seemed like many months—the first signs of spring still fought its way through the desolation to bring hope of rebirth once again to its appreciative audience. This phenomenon made me step back and examine what life has brought me recently. My own winter was full of unwanted surprises and doubts. I was full of grief and disheartened by any chance of starting over. But spring has arrived, bringing with it everything new and yet familiar. That familiar sense of beauty and growth. The seasons change with a quiet consistency often overlooked by mere mortals, too busy with our own accords to stop and realize the change around us. However, I am pausing now. I know that, when I am not looking, my winter will fade and bring with it a renewal of hope and a new beginning I had no idea I had been seeking. Life will be reborn, and I can begin anew.

Peace Corps' Verdict

Hi Everyone,

I apologize for the lack of blogs recently. My life has been shaken in ways I was unprepared for, leaving me less then willing to share my adventures. This has been an unwanted adventure. Not all journeys are fulfillment of dreams. I’ve often asked myself lately…”What happens when your dreams DON’T become a reality? What happens when all that you’ve worked for is shattered, when all hope is dashed?”

Most of you know that last November I contracted my bizarre ear infection again and Peace Corps Philippines sent me back to America in hopes that I would heal. I thought at the time this was a good idea and that I would get the change to return to the islands as soon as I was healthy again. While I still hold firm to my belief that going back to the US was a good idea and the only way I could heal properly, I am disappointed with the knowledge that I was under a misconception about returning to the Philippines.

I have tried, I have fought, I have pleaded with Peace Corps Washington DC to send me back. Their belief is that no matter the precautions I take, I will not be able to successfully function in a tropical environment. They will not even consider sending me back. Although it has been only a week since I was told of their final decision, part of me realized that it wasn’t meant to be. I had been mentally preparing myself for their decision for weeks. And I do realize that they are right. I would get sick again. And I still remember how painful that was. Regardless of what I want, I know that it would be unhealthy for me to return to the Philippines and to the people I hold dear.

I don’t know what the plan is. God hasn’t revealed to me yet why this long awaited and long desired door was slammed shut on me. I see no open window, yet. But I have faith that all will be revealed to me in time. And I do not question why I was sent to the Philippines in the first place. The answer is so obvious. I would gladly relive each experience again, if it meant meeting the same people.

I have had many friendships in life—born from common interests and common thoughts…and timing. But I have never had friendship sprung from such pure devotion for humanity. Although we each joined PC for different reasons, it is safe to say that we genuinely care about others. I don’t know if I can adequately express how much I care about my PC family. Because that is what we are, a family. We were thrown together out of circumstance, became friends out of necessity, but we became a family out of love. I hold each of you in my heart. You all mean the world to me. I am sorry that it will be years before we see each other again, my friends. But I am always thinking of you. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope that the next 20 months are filled with adventure and hope.

And when times are hard, as they often are, remember what Garrett said at swearing-in. He reminded us that Sally would trade places with you in a heartbeat…and now so would I. Remember what you are doing matters, even when it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. Try to be happy, because each day you spend there is a gift…trust me. And please keep in touch. I want to hear everything that you are doing & how you are feeling. I’m always around for you, as I was there and as I will be here. I shall keep you up-to-date about my next adventure…trying to find a place in the world post-PC. It’s not as simple as we thought. :-)
Be happy & stay healthy.

All my love,
Jess


P.S.--I don't know about going to another country right now. PC is looking into it, but I'm also looking for jobs in Seattle and the Olympic Peninsula. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start over again just yet. I think I'd prefer to stay US bound for now. Find a job. Normalcy isn't as frightening as it once was. ;-) I'll let you know what I decide.

YES WE CAN!

"Yes We Can" are three very important words to all Americans right now. Yes, we can make a difference. Yes, we can change the world. Yes, we can believe in our fellow man. And Yes, one act of kindness can create a domino effect of world peace. I will never forget where I was when I heard the most beautiful announcement of my life. "Barack Obama is President of the United States of America!" It was lunch time on Wednesday. All of the PCT's were together, eagerly watching the results on CNN. Peace Corps staff was kind enough to project the newscast on the wall in the lunchroom. We had watched the results all morning on our laptops during sessions. When the happy news was announced we all cheered and jumped up and down. All of us hugged one another and there was not a dry eye in the house. I cried ridiculously hard. I've never cried over politics--but then again, i've never been more happy in my life. Or more proud to be an American. It was an increadible moment, and a memory I will forever cherish. What complimented that moment was my final step to becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer--my swearing in ceremony. The US Ambassador swore all 65 Volunteers in as the #267th PC group in the Philippines. I can't begin to describe all of my emotions that day. I knew as it was happening that it was one of the mot important moments of my life. That 16 months of applying for the Peace Corps, 2 months of packing/preparing and 3 months of very intense training had finally paid off. I am now, and will forever be, a Peace Corps Volunteer. I am so excited, incredibly happy, overwhelmed and in awe of all the responsibility I have earned with my new title. I look forward to beginning my assignment in Leyte. I look forward to all of my new experiences and adventures and I look forward to serving my new President as a PCV. Obama said "Yes We Can!" Our batch has adopted this mantra as our own. So stand up America! Yes We Can make a change and bring peace and prosperity not only to our country, but to the world. I will begin in the Philippines. :-)

"We Can, we can make difference. With our hands together we can reach the whole world. We can, we can move a mountain. It's all for one and one for all that keeps us strong." -#267 (written by Tom & Ben)

Farewells

Yesterday, Oct. 17, was my final day teaching at Junob National High School. My students are so adorable. They planned a farewell program for me. And it was quite a production. They made me wait outside the classroom while they finished with their tasks. I heard desks scraping against the tile floor, giggling girls and boisterous laughter coming from inside. I waited patiently, anticipating what I would see. Finally they said "Come in Ma'am!" I was so nervous, and I can't begin to tell you why. I walked in and on the chalkboard they had written "Farewell & We'll Miss You Ma'am." They had me sit on my throne in the middle of the classroom and then they crowned me with a wreath of flowers they had weaved themselves. It was lovely. And smelled incredible!

The students then began to say such wonderful and heartwarming things. Such as, "You are my favorite teacher, You are the most beautiful woman in the world, You have taught me so much..." They are all such dears. One of the girls, Angel, dressed up to look like me. They then reenacted my first day. I couldn't stop laughing. Then all of the students stood in front of me and sang "Farewell my Friend." Then they proceeded to tell me how much they would miss me and how much they love me. Each of them had prepared beautiful cards for me. They deposited the cards, gifts and roses into my lap. I read some last night. They are incredibly sweet. I stood up after the show and told them thank you and told them how special they are to me and that I will treasure our time together and they will always be in my heart. I was crying by the time I finished my little speech, because they were all sobbing. Oh my!

You really have no idea the impact you have on a student's life sometimes. My experiences in the Philippines has made me want to continue teaching when I return to the States. I finally understand what it is all about. The light in their eyes when they understand a concept I'm trying to teach, the anticipation and pride I feel each time they succeed at a project in class... They are incredible people and I will miss them all very much. But I look forward to teaching at BayBay National High School next month. And for the next 2 years. I hope my next experience can match that of JNHS. But I don't know, they set the bar pretty high!

Pictures of my journey thus far can be viewed on my facebook profile...

More to follow...

Site Announcement

Hey All! My site was announced today. I will be in BayBay (byebye) on the island of Leyte for the next two years. YAY! It's the best diving in the Philippines so I'll get certified ASAP. And I'm teaching at a large high school--3,800 students. It'll be an amazing change from my comfort zone. And I won't be alone! Syd will be teaching at the University which is near my school. Her home is just 12 km away from mine; or a P10 ride. Cassie, Connie, Nancy, Jasmine, Shreyll and Sean will also be on Leyte ranging anywhere from 30 minutes away to 3 hours. Megan and  Dan are also near, although they are on another island. Weekends will be fun! Syd and I will do everything together, I'm sure. I'm so lucky she's the gal in my town. Syd is awesome and a plethora of information regarding teaching.

Okay, well I didn't get a chance to finish my blog before I  went to site. I just returned to Bocolod last night and we leave  for Dumaguette today. My site is incredible! BayBay is beautiful. We're  nestled in between the mountains and the ocean. I'm close to everything... the church, market, bank, school, post office,  college... I really love it here! I can't wait to post photos  for you all to see. My students  are so sweet. They prepared a welcome  dance for me and then I spent  an hour on stage answering  questions and talking to all 3800 kids and 82 faculty. I interviewed with the  student newspaper and they had so many  questions! I talked to them for 1.5 hours before losing my voice and calling it quits. I'm so lucky that I get to live in BayBay for the next 2 years. Another volunteer from the group before, Matt, lives in BayBay. He showed Syd and  I around and will be a great friend. I'm happy he's there. The community is excited we're there, the schools... Everything is wonderful. My host family are really down to earth and great cooks--I  had shrimp, clams and calamari while there. I return to BayBay after swearing in, November 8. That means another plane to Cebu, than a 2 hour boat to Ormac, and a one hour  bus ride to BayBay. Ahh... the life  of a Volunteer. No job can beat it!

Medical Cultural Experience: Check!

Maayo Hapon (good afternoon)!!

I know that I haven't written in awhile but I have a really great excuse, I was in the hospital. Now don't freak out! I'm fine now. Thursday, Sept. 11, I awoke with a very intense ear pain in my left ear. I called my PCMO (peace corps medical officer) and she had Marc (my Language and Culture Facilitator) take me to the hospital for a quick exam--yeah, that took 4 hours. The pain steadily grew worse until finally Friday afternoon I was going crazy with pain. I was admitted into the hospital and was eventually informed that I had 3 inner ear infections due to bacteria in the ocean and cleaning my ears with Q-tips (heaven forbid!) I've never felt a pain like that before. It was incredible! Thank God for my friends, I can't imagine going through that alone. I have extremely loyal and helpful PCT's by my side for my 5 day/night stay. The PC Filipino staff was also extremely helpful and stayed with me while my fellow PCT's were at work. I owe all of these wonderful people a dept of gratitude I can never possibly repay.

Medical care in the Philippines sucks. That is not endorsed by PC and I probably shouldn't even write it, but I honestly feel this way. Even after knowing my allergies, the anesthesiologist still gave me codeine which, of course, I had a reaction to. A 5 day vomiting reaction! I'm now on anti-nausea meds to help with that. I threw up every 15 minutes for 29 hours Sunday. I know that may be over sharing, but I just want to show evidence to support my opinion of medical care in this country. I really do love the Philippines and the people--I'd just prefer to stay away from the hospitals.

I'm feeling much better now. No more pain. I am, however, temporarily deaf in my left ear. I've been assured this will dissipate with time once the swelling goes down. For now my host family just refers to me as "the beautiful deaf girl." ;-) And I now know that whenever you're in trouble, who you gunna call? THE ED SECTOR! Big thanks to all of those in the Dumaguete ED sector who came to visit me and comfort me during one of the hardest times I've ever experienced.

More to follow...

Questions Anyone?

I'm pretty sure I drank tea in the exact spot the photo on my blog was taken. It is paradise here.

      Filipinos are very curious about us, naturally. They point and stare (which is not considered rude here). They also run in front of us to take our pictures (which is really weird). I now know how the stars feel about the paparazzi. I have no idea how many times my picture has been taken or how many times people have stood outside the gate at my host family's home just to get a glance of me, but it happens. A lot.

    I had my first class yesterday and I was only there to observe. I thought I would walk around and familiarize myself with the school I will be teaching in for the next 9 weeks. (Junob National High School). My presence didn't go unnoticed. Students (11-16) ran out of their rooms to stare and giggle. They were to shy to speak to me, which is another culture gap. I, however, was not shy. I smiled at the students, said hello (in English always at school), and tried to get them to open up. They laughed some more and covered their faces with their hands. A teacher I met last week approached me and asked me to visit her class. The students I have previously been trying to talk with all followed me to the classroom and hung outside the windows (no screens, just bars) to listen to what I had to say. When I entered the classroom all the students stood up and clapped. The teacher introduced me and as if on cue all of the students turned to me and said "Good Afternoon Miss Jessica!" I was a little taken aback and my response was lame. All I said was good afternoon, students. I walked up to the front of the class and told them a little about myself. I was nervous at first but, as you all know, I wasn't shy. I smiled and encouraged questions, teased the kids.... they are all so sweet. They were so worried about messing up their grammar that they wrote down their questions first and double checked to make sure they had it correct. This made me want to laugh-out-loud, but I reigned it in. Now, in the Filipino culture, personal questions and privacy does not exist. They want to get to know you as fast as they can and it is considered a privilege to be friends with "the American." The first question, of course, was "how tall are you?" I told them I was 6 ft. and love to play basketball. I assured them all I would play a game with them whenever they want. Moving on to questions such as "Do you have a boyfriend?", "Will you get married?", "Tell us about your family", "How much do you weigh?!!!" (No, I didn't answer) "How are the Philippines different than America?". "Would I ever eat a dog/horse/cat?", "What is my favorite Filipino dish?", "What is America like?", "What was high school like?", "Did I have a boyfriend in high school?", "Was he hot?", "Why did I come to the Philippines?", "What really is the Peace Corps?", "How long would I be in the Philippines?", "How long would I teach at Junob?", "Would I stay forever?", "What is my religion?", "Which of the boys was the hottest?" Oh my goodness.... it never ends. I gave them my email address for further questions. I expect I'll really regret that decision, but it's okay. They are all dear and I told them that the Filipino people are all warm and wonderful, which they are. When I finally made it to my class (second year, like sophomores, but they are 12-13) they were just as curious. After class they all waved and told me they were excited that I was their teacher and couldn't wait for me to return. I find myself feeling the same sentiment. :-)

More to follow...